Confessions of a stuttere
Originally by Lauren Jackman
I sit here with my finger over the Post button.
Do I, Don’t I? I Do.
Hi, my name is Ahmed AKA Shndy , and I am a stutterer.
Why the big announcement, I hear you ask? Well, I stutter and I will probably never be cured, but if I acknowledge that I stutter, the pressure is off then and I don’t have to try and hide it when I talk to you or feeling bad when it happen . It helps me compartmentalize that part of myself, so it doesn’t end up ruling my life and may be i fed up with myself and releasing this words out of my Chest . !
And why is it a big deal, you ask? Well, being a stutterer is hard. Or for a more appropriate ‘H’ word: humiliating.
My type of Stuttering is one of the Hardest , The blocks make me unable to Even Start the Sentence or the Word i am willing to say, and a bad habit came through since i was a kid that i convinced my self unintentionally that if i Shaked my head may be it will be easier , so years after years this silly Shaking happens unintentionally either !
I have had this infliction all my life for as along as I can remember. Can you imagine what is is like growing up in school with a stutter? It sucks. I was teased, mocked, mimicked and laughed at , Perhaps i had the one of the Hardest Childhood a boy could have . till 15 Years Old i refused to talk to any stranger buy anything from anywhere alone ! a lot of terrifying memories Caved in my Head with the Emotions Related to it .
Don’t think for one minute the teasing, mocking and mimicking stops. It doesn’t. The reason it doesn’t is because people don’t actually realize they have just bagged out someone with a disability. Most people I meet for the first time think that I’ve just stumbled over a few words. That is until I continue talking and you see their face drop as if it has suddenly dawned on them and the Charity Eyes Come through , people looking to you with a hopeless sympathy that Tear me up and I hardly ever pull people up when they laugh at me though. I would rather be the person feeling like crap than make another person feel ashamed of their actions.
A bit of my self-esteem chipped away every moment any one mocked or laugh at me !
Like many stutterers, by far the hardest word for me to say is my own name. But we hardly ever say our own names, I hear you ask? Well, you’re wrong. You only ever say your name when you introduce yourself to new people, or when you answer the phone, or make a call, or when you order a coffee, or when need to identify yourself to organizations such as banks, gyms, power companies and phone companies and when i read out my address, phone numbers, credit card numbers (any numbers really), when I am in big groups or one-on-one, when I’m nervous, when I’m telling a punch line of a joke, when I talk to people who talk really fast and at any other random time
stuttering is hard , It is particularly hard as a an adult. As a child you can almost be forgiven for having a stutter as it is seen as ‘cute,’ but as an adult you are simply just laughed at or looked at as if you have the intelligence of a wooden plank. And every time this happens, every time someone laughs at you, mocks you, mimics you, a bit of your soul chips away. I really cannot describe it.
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